A Case for Quitting

The sunk cost fallacy

Many of us were raised to believe it’s shameful to be A Quitter - someone who throws in the towel when the going gets tough. But in recent years, I’ve heard some sound arguments in defense of quitting, making a case for why it can be important to cut yourself loose.

Each of these arguments addressed, either directly or indirectly, a term in behavioral economics known as “The Sunk Cost Fallacy.” This describes “the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial” (source). This can also be referred to as “the escalation of commitment” or “commitment bias.” Each of these terms specifies the experience of continuing a behavior due to the investment of resources (be it time, energy, money) that cannot be recovered. Despite the fact that a given loss has already been incurred, our psychology primes us to believe that we’ve passed the point of return.

It’s easy to identify people we know whose lives would be soooo much better were they to “swallow their pride” and quit that job, leave that partner, end that friendship. It’s far more difficult to turn that judgment around on ourselves and get real with the same clarity and conviction. One of the most helpful litmus tests I’ve used when examining my own behaviors and choices is The Swim Test, a title I’ve only just dubbed; if you sense that you’re swimming upstream, fighting the current, it’s probably not a “happy fit,” as my Aunt Patty would say.

Only recently have I begun to really listen to that instinct, and give it the time of day. When you’ve spent so long fighting that damn current, you’ve acclimated to the rush of the water, strengthened those muscles. But that feeling - where you’re beholden to something that no longer serves you, and you know it - it sits like an apple in your throat. Clogging your wind pipe. And eventually it stifles your air supply.

One of the anecdotes I return to in my head, time and time again when I feel nervous to quit belongs to one of my best friends (who has given me permission to share her story here). This friend worked her ass off for years, taking all the required pre-med college courses, studying for the MCAT, sharing with friends and family her dream of becoming a doctor. This mofo scored in the 100th percentile for the MCAT. Her supporters were THRILLED, touting her success far and wide. She submitted her applications for med school, and before hearing back from a single one, she withdrew. She probably would have been admitted to any school of her choosing, and she quit. She quit because she knew it wasn’t the path for her, despite all of her hard work and the glowing affirmation she’d received - it wasn’t a happy fit.

I remember first hearing the news, and thinking: I am simply not that strong. I couldn’t imagine being on the precipice of that kind of undeniable success and “throwing it all away.” To have to tell so many of my enthusiastic supporters that I was unhitching my metaphorical trailer, because something inside of me told me I had to. But it demonstrated to me the profound calm that can accompany the abandonment of what is wrong in our lives. I saw this friend relax, and feel energized by the newfound spaciousness. This choice freed her to continue following her gut, and find a pursuit that felt aligned. And I’ll have you know, this b*tch is successful - in all the flashy and truly important ways.

In recent years, I’ve made a real effort to quit while I’m ahead, when it feels right. I’ve strengthened what Glennon Doyle calls that “inner knowing,” honing my sense of self and conviction (one example applies to shifting the term I use to describe my sexuality, which I’ll touch on some day). And what’s really cool is that your mind and soul and body reward you when you make those challenging decisions to quit when something’s not right.

Every experience you have is a notch in your belt. So no matter what, there is value in whatever investment you’ve made thus far, and may choose to pivot away from. But this advice should come with a warning, and while it may sound lighthearted, there’s real heavy truth in it: Once you abandon one aspect of your life that is no longer true enough, and reap those rewards, you’ll have a hard time tolerating other identifiable dissonance. It’s a radical way to live, and the safer option would be to maintain the status quo - well, depending on how you define “safe.”

The Mel Robbins Podcast: The 51% Rule (link)

I’ve sent this episode to countless friends and family, and for good reason. It’s all about the art of decision-making, and how to change course. This rocked my world when I listened to it back in February. I can actually recall the exact day - I was on the way to meet up with my friend Taylor for hot yoga, and afterwards we talked about the 51% rule (and another Mel Robbins episode I’ll feature at a later date), and how uncertain we both felt about these big decisions we had in front of us. It was on this day that I made the choice to pursue content creation more seriously and just freaking try, despite my fears. T made her own resolution, and I created a reminder in my phone for one year later, 02/25/25, when we’d look back and reflect on what had changed.

Crocs Getaway Platform H-Strap

On a lighter note lol these sandals are the bomb. My friend Ellen recommended them to me - they’re stylish, simple, add a little height for us shorties, and cost $44.95. Pretty great.

__

In memory of our beloved cat, Macy. Our sweet kitty passed away this week after 18 years of laying on my mom’s chest in bed, and demanding my dad brush her while watching tv on his lap. We’ll miss you terribly, Macy Moose.