I Have Everything I Need in My Little Red Boat

A tool for guidance

I’m at a fork in the road, and my feet won’t move.

For the past month, I’ve been living at home with my parents in California while I determine what I want to do next, and where I want to be. These four weeks have included job applications, family time, some part-time work and a healthy dose of indecision. When I decided to fly home to figure out my next steps, I was planning to return to New York (by New Year’s at the latest), shiny job offer in hand. But the more time I’ve spent in the Golden State, the less convinced I am of this inevitability.

While I grew up in the East Bay, I infrequently ventured into San Francisco — to be honest, I was a little afraid of the city. My little town of Piedmont offered a sheltered environment, so I usually preferred to remain in the comfort of the suburbs. But earlier this fall, one of my best friends moved to SF, giving me a squeaky clean window into the reality of what it is to live in the Bay as an adult. And as I’ve gained more exposure, I’ve started to reconsider my master plan.

As soon as I noticed my perspective start to shift, I began to feel a little frantic; this transitional stage was so much easier when all I had to consider was what I wanted to be doing, not where I wanted to be. I was pretty dang certain returning to New York was the “right choice,” but now? I’m not so sure. This past Thursday, I spent much of my therapy session debating my options through tears — my conflicting thoughts have been so loud that I’ve had trouble hearing my intuition. That’s when my lovely therapist, Kierstin, reminded me, “You can’t choose wrong, Bec.” A soothing wave of calm washed over me at this brief assurance from a trusted confidant. She suggested I use an implement that had begun to rust in my tool box: my Little Red Boat meditation.

Back in the fall of 2022, I was going through a particularly rough phase. In one of our sessions, Kierstin suggested we try something new, and she walked me through this guided meditation — one in which I was gently dropped into a world where all my needs were taken care of, where I felt safe and comfortable and perfectly at peace. The first time she proctored the meditation for me, I recorded it so I could listen back in times of challenge or doubt, which I’ve done with some frequency. Here’s an excerpt of Kierstin’s beautiful wisdom from our shared reflection period at the recording’s end:

“That’s you - that little red boat is you and your spirit. That is eeeverything you need, in that little red boat. And, you know, this is a wonderful meditation to help you get clarity — when you feel stuck or scared or unsure… You can use it as a mechanism for guidance, but also just a mechanism for reassurance that you HAVE what you need within you. But you can also create what you need AHEAD of you, and you have choices that you can make. And we wanna lean into that sense of self, that part of you that DOES feel fully safe and fed and held and rocked in the sea. Cause that’s where the truest voice comes from, right?”

Mic drop, am I right? She’s the best. I’m no stranger to an imaginative exercise, as someone with an overly active mind. In fact I happen to have a few methods for mental gymnastics up my sleeve, like — sometimes when the sun is setting, I’ll shift my mindset to believe it’s sunrise, giving me a renewed energy, as if the day’s just beginning. I also recall a time when I was perched alongside pals on a chairlift in Maine and tricked myself into thinking I was in Colorado, land-locked, which stressed me the hell out. But that’s not so relevant I guess.

So, I’m breaking out the baking soda and steel wool to polish off this treasured tool (The Little Red Boat meditation), in an effort to help me decide where I want to be, and what I’d like to be doing when I get there. I’ll meditate on the Bay Area, Brooklyn, Tahoe, Maine, and who knows, maybe some other options will creep into my consciousness — heck, I’d entertain a life in Malibu.

The Diplomat (tv show)

Wow, they really edited her face in a weird way here

This show is phenomenal. Season 2 was just released, so it’s the perfect time for those of you unfamiliar with Keri Russell’s genius to give it a go. Not only will you have a couple seasons worth to feast upon, but the Season 2 finale is just wild. WILD.

Revisionist History: “The Tipping Point Revisited: Georgetown Massacre Part 1” (link to episode)

It’s hard to be disappointed by any episode of Revisionist History , given host Malcolm Gladwell’s thorough research and dramatic flair. But this episode (which is 1 of 2) is particularly interesting. It relates to the college admissions scandal of 2019, and highlights a unique case among the 53 indicted.