Make the Decision Right

, not the Right Decision

Hi team :) I hope you’ve been indulging in a cozy, sparkly holiday season. I spent the past weekend in Portland, Oregon visiting my cousin and boy, do Pacific Northwesters know how to make an enviable abode. My eyes grew tired of relentlessly straining to peer through people’s windows while being driven around.

In recent newsletters, I’ve shared my equivocation about where I should “settle down” for this next chapter of my life. I was so paralyzed by the idea that this next move would be my final one, as irrational as that sounds when typed out. But when you’re averse to change and have a deep desire to build strong community roots, it’s tempting to place a lot of weight in a decision such as this; I dreaded the prospect of waking up 6 months down the line and realizing I’d made the wrong choice.

To be fair, when you’re moving all your shit (and a car!) across the country, it feels pretty consequential — and less easily reversed. On top of the logistics piece, this decision signified a metaphorical revoking of my East Coaster card. Practically my whole adult-life network lives back East, so the idea of parting ways with the precious community I’d carefully cultivated over the course of a decade was nauseating. I felt like I’d been paying dividends on my future life, and in moving out West I’d be emptying my bank account. But then I started to think of it less as a rescinding of my New England membership, and more as a temporary suspension — the kind where I can keep my account open for a small monthly fee.

I grew tired of my hemming and hawing, and the incessant loop of considerations and pro/con lists busying up my brain space. I was in desperate need of a nudge. So when I was presented with the opportunity to apply for a position at the SF Women’s Social Club, I told myself if I got the job I’d let that be my “sign from on high.” I’d been admiring the organization from afar for the past year — it’s a group organizing events and spaces for women with a shared goal of building community. Can’t get much more Third and Thin than that, huh? As my friend Amelia said when I shared my hiring with her: “Could not think of a place more suited for you.”

Because the club is relatively small and new, they’re amenable to integrating my ideas for how to build community and foster connection in a meaningful way, and thus enthusiastically embraced my offer to run groups for members to connect on more specific issues relevant to their identities. Affinity spaces, basically. I’ll be continuing my podcast production work (and content creation), but I’m really excited about this next chapter.

This, among so many other factors, makes a return to the Bay feel right. To pull from one of the aforementioned pro/con lists… I can host sleepovers for my beloved niece and nephew. Spend the weekends skiing in Tahoe. Meet up with my mom impromptu on the top floor of the Union Square Bloomingdale’s for lunch. Take a backpacking trip to Yosemite with my T <3. Join my dad on a Saturday bike ride in Marin.

New York felt like a big risk compared to the sheltered haven of Maine, so in moving there I felt less equipped to take further risks as a result — my metaphorical well of tolerance for the new and foreign runneth dry. So by returning to a more known and therefore cushy place, I’m more comfortable taking a gamble, adventuring, braving the less familiar factors of adult life.

I’m so proud of myself for spending a decade away and testing my ability to bear discomfort. My love for the Northeast is strong as ever, and I know that place will continue to play an important role in my life. For now, I’m nesting elsewhere.

Note: This week I have some majorrrr podcast recs, folks. I’ll add all of these to my Arca page. If you missed my musing about them on IG, Arca is, “Your portal for discovering and curating the internet. Guiding you to content that informs, empowers and inspires.” They reached out to me earlier this year and asked if I’d help beta test the app, and in doing so I’ve found that it’s unique in its ability to provide a hub for creators’ more meaningful recommendations (e.g. articles, podcasts, music). My Arca portals currently include “Articles for the Heart,” “Articles for Brain-Breaking,” “Articles for Inspiration,” “Favorite Podcasts,” and “Tunes.” I update this pretty regularly with recommendations I don’t always share elsewhere online, so give it a look if you’re in the mood for some more enrichment.

Since it’s still not fully accessible to the public, you’ll need to enter my code to subscribe (this does not benefit me in any way — financially or otherwise). Here’s the link that will automatically input my code. Enjoy!

Diary of a CEO: “Body Language Expert: Stop Using This, It’s Making People Dislike You, So Are These Subtle Mistakes!” (podcast)

This bad boy is 2 hours and 45 minutes long but SHIT, it’s good. Such phenomenal insight into nonverbal cues.

The Telepathy Tapes (podcast)

This podcast rocked my world. It’s pretty paradigm-shifting. That being said, my friend shared this article with me, which I feel is a must-read as someone who was prepared to brazenly and blindly believe and propagate the purported findings.

“This Past Week with Theo Von: Timothée Chalamet” (podcast)

Honestly this was the first time I listened to one of Theo Von’s podcasts and I was… lowkey smitten. Given what we saw with the presidential election and male podcasters’ influence on voters, it feels important to gain insight into that world. Now, that sounds high and mighty which is hilarious because this episode felt indulgent for me, not some work of social justice.

Tbh I understand the appeal now. Theo is unlike anyone I’ve ever heard speak lol. He’s disarmingly witty and strange, all at once. And he’s interviewed everyone from Dr. Gabor Maté (j’adore) to an “NYC Garbage Man.” Honestly worth listening to really understand what’s happening, folks.